I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
