Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
