based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
