There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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