Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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