What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
