I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
