I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
did i just pee glitter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
