but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
