I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dicks are not precious.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize