Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
