you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
where are you?
Hypothermia
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
