Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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