Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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