What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
