Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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