I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
