ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
40s are totally the cure
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
