how can u be prego again
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
