Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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