never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
