now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
two words...techno handjob
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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