First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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