I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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