so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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