why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
