really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
