The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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