areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Randomize
