This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
