Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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