You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
