i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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