just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
