he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
