You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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