I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
