My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
