I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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