I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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