Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
