How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
