If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I stole a fireplace last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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