remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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