i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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