my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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