i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
