how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think my vagina is haunted
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
