Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i believe in u and ur pee
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