mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i came on her dog
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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