how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
