everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
