mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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