I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
