I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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