VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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