im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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