OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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