you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
