You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
