It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
