watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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